I am not defeated!

I am not destroyed.  I am still standing.  Yes,  I am "old".  Perhaps tired, just exhausted because I was pure vexed, stalked, controlled, targeted and deliberately confused by my own mother.  But didn't GOD tell us in (HIS) Word these women would not have natural affection?  Would be incapable of maternal love?

GOD's Word clearly says we have to endure to the end.  We did, I did.  I do thank GOD for saving me.  As bad as it was,  old Mathy Jane intended worse.  How can, how does,  any woman hate her own flesh from the womb, from conception?  Something went wrong.  Was Martha Jane Walters born wrong? Was she born a demon?  Is that even possible?

My question, my confusion will not leave me.  Sixty-five years of sheer torture.  Sheer torture and no one caring.  Most people I share my testimony with don't want to hear it, can't bear it.  They send me away more broken than  before I found the courage to tell.

Vipers!  Pure two legged vipers.  I do not think I would mind one single viper crawling this earth if they would do so fairly.  The awful things my own mother did to me from birth are unconsciousable.  Just disgusting, heart rendering.  Worse she never cared.  As a matter of fact she delighted in sinning, in eviscerating, in destroying. Our total destruction brought her joy.

My mother died happy, died laughing; "I ain't repenting' fuh shit!"  Not the words of an ordained pastor.  So why preach?  For cover, to hide her evil and she did.  Six living children. One dead MURDERED  father and no one to care.

My grandfather, my Abraham , lies some where in an unmarked grave.  I am crushed.  I am dust.  But I must come back from my own ashes like the Phoenix.  I must reconnect my crushed bones.  I can not let this succubus get away with this.  I can not!  GOD won't let me.  Every night my sleep is  deeply disturbed.

LORD I know you sent me to this earth about two hundred years too soon.  I knowYou have your reasons.  I know it is all in Divine Order.

"No mas" , no more.  Ladies, women, stop being lazy whores.  Stop plotting on men.  Stop using your vaginas as ATM machines.  Stop lying.  Start trusting.  Trust GOD and Free Fall into your savior's hands.

I am not ashamed of what my own mother did to me.  Yes,  I am pretty aggravated that she did it so long.  Yes, I am saddened by the fact I fell for her ordained pastor act hook,  line and sinker.  Yes, I am glad old Mathy Jane is finally gone.  Yes, I do get up and do a two step Holy Ghost  dance on her head, on her neck every morning.

She did terrorize us.   She did demand to be kept secret.  But now she is dead.  She can't root me.  I hate her so I have no loyalty to her.  Plus,  I remember all the horrible things she did to me and pure grinned in my face!

Rot! Rot you stanking vile cunt!  Don't you ever bring your stanking ass to this earth again.  Thank you for revealing fellow imps just like you.  No, I know no one is as bad, is as low, but the fact they still fear you simply means they are also hopeless and from them I will stay away.