We must know, finally recognize some of the wickedest people attend "church" "religiously". And some of the vilest most hateful people call themselves pastors. (Pray for them)
GOD certainly realized one of wo/man's greatest weaknesses, plain old envy. I have never had a problem with jealousy. But, then again , I never saw the need. While plagued with one of the most demonic evil mothers ever born and ripped off in the height area, I had it all. Long, luscious hair, big legs, style, charisma. Just "lame" as hell.
I was "lame" on purpose. I could not risk becoming like my mother. Why, the very thought of having to live with her beyond the age of 18, did cause me to contemplate suicide much too often.
My own mother told me; "Gul, you got a shape on you , make a bulldog hug a hound." It was true. The hilarious part is, I am sure my fine shape was the product of my enslavement. That ***** kept me busy 24/7, cooking, cleaning, washing, scrubbing, gardening, planting, hoeing, digging, cultivating.
She was busy too. That may have been part of her problem. I think the ***** had ADD. My poor mother was all those letters, Attention Deficit Disordered , Dyslexic, Emotionally and Behaviorally disordered. Plus PSYCHOTIC! A retard that worked "roots"! Help me Holy Ghost!
I am sure it was the poor "rations" that kept me stealth, chiseled ( I used to have a six-pack). I have to laugh, all the people admiring her long sleek cars, furs, etc. , had no idea what this woman feed us on the regular. BEANS! Just beans, pinto beans. No meat, no bread, …. the _ _ would not even buy Cool-aide!
When I was 14, she decided to feed us "grits and grease'. That's it, grits and grease. She brought home this industrial size bag of grits and a side of fat back and announced; "I'll let you black mutha********* assholes close up!", We were not even shocked, so conditioned by her abuse, we were her docile slaves, accustomed to her abuse, conditioned to suffer while Mathy Jane yet lived. And that is all we had for months! Not for her, though. She actually brought a bone home once , a t-bone steak bone , pulled it out of her pocketbook! Bragged; "Gwen! Look what I had fo'lunch! A T-BONE STEAK!"
Not only was my mother demon possessed, she was permanently a "middle-schooler", a very disturbed adolescent.
It is obvious to me that my mother never got the help or counseling she needed after her series of tragic rapes. I am sure she was rejected in the community, scorned. I am also sure she may have acted out inappropriately, sexually, as a child.
I want so desperately to end this cycle of abuse, this generational curse. We can not heal what we refuse to talk about. "YOU CANNOT FIX WHAT YOU REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE"
I am going to keep talking about it until I get someone to listen.
Attention relatives: You claim I hate her, But I am the only one that begged her to repent. You told her it was OK to perish and go to hell, UNREPENTANT!
You claim I want revenge. I never tried to hurt her one day in my life. I think the person that drove up in a U-Haul truck, loaded it , the day after her passing, is the one seeking revenge. "You ", were the one disrespectful and full of larceny.
No one, not one person on this planet earth can claim I am lying. You claim I talk too much, tell too
much. FOR YOUR INFORMATION , I AM TESTIFYING! PRAISING THE LORD FOR SAVING ME! PTL!
Family, I want closure. She MURDERED my saintly grandfather, knowing full well I worshipped the ground the man walked on.
She was a "root worker"! Do I need to list the number of houses that burned down "mysteriously"? Do I have to identify all the failed marriages? Should I ask you if you ever told her about a pending law suit? Did you ever share a secret with her? Not, did she ever betray you, rather, how many times did she betray you?
No, I can't stop talking about it or thinking about it. Yes, she did deliberately string me along, pretending, acting the lie , that she was going to apologize one day. We were all going to look back and laugh. Well, it didn't happen.
We were had and we were had bad.
PTL!
I press on ...
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