Dear LORD, I pray that you will , will, satan to take his hands off of all my loved ones. I pray that not one person in my family tells another lie. I pray that you remove all of the rebuke Martha Jane Walters cast upon me, so slyly, so clandestinely, for 62 evil black years, be taken away. I pray the stain of her sick, sick deeds be taken from me.
I was not dumb. I had no MOTHER! My grandmother died horribly of uterine cancer when I was three years old. My birth monster was a closet demon of the worse order. When Martha would brag about the five babies she flushed down the toilet, I secretly wished I had been one of them.
A woman so foul and depraved, people do not , can not stand to hear about her.
I am sick LORD! Sick to death every day finally regurgitating her carne (CARNE), her filth. She laughed uproariously . But she was not funny. The very thought of her sickens me.
I am weak, worn from crying, from being broken and destroyed. No one loves me. NO ONE! Some claim to. I see their fruit. My own loved ones avoid me like I have the plague. "Why can't you just shut UP!? Why can't you just forget it!? I am tired of hearing about it! …Why don't you go to a psychiatrist!? You are crazy! JUST SHUT UP!"
NEVER KNOWING THOSE WORDS HURT WORSE, MORE THAN THE MALIGNANT NARCISSIST!
They have no use for me. I am a "thing", something to be tolerated until I finally die. Until I finally quit whining about my horrible unloved life.
I am too damaged, too scared, for the few still brave enough to claim they love me. I don't have to worry about them ever reading this. They all avoid me, shun me, dishonor me with snide remarks. Slyly put me down, counting and reminding me of my every flaw. They have no use for me or this blog. I understand. They can not possibly understand my pain.
They lean to their own dull understanding, have made up in their minds, they have no need for GOD. I embarrass them on FB, so they shun me. Too cowardly to un-friend me, they pretend that I don't exist. They ignore me, devalue my very life. Perhaps they hope for my demise so they can get on with their perfect lives. Lives lived perfectly on FB.
They have no problems, no pain and no use for the "useless Jesus" I expound upon. They question me; "If your GOD is so good, where was He when your mother was mistreating and terrorizing you?"
My answer, GOD was preparing me for such a time as this falls on deaf ears. They are "uneducated". Highly diploma-ed and degree-ed, but highly uneducated. LOST!
I did ask GOD if I had to carry His cross alone, sadly He told me, yes.
PTL!
I press on ...
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