I am consumed with grief knowing my truth. My GOD! My GOD! I do thank you for sparing me the true full knowledge of my awful truth for so long. I could not have handled the truth of knowing my own mother was a full fledged, sold out for satan MONSTROSITY in my childhood, in my youth, even in my mature adult years. I can barely handle it now and I'm old.
Give them your courage LORD! Rain down on them. Rain your courage down on us.
"The truth will make you fighting mad or shouting glad." Those words made Martha pure rage. The fact is everything made Martha rage. Everyone made her jealous, envious, spiteful, vindictive , secretive, perverted, cunning and cross.
Cross is the word I have been looking for. Martha was always cross, always had a hostile attitude until she wanted something. Just as soon as she cast her eyes on something you had, that she didn't have. Something she felt you were not good enough to have because of your black skin or because you were a burden or just because she felt like being extremely cruel and vindictive on any given day, she was cross. Spit daggers at you in her ugly vicious tone. Called you the foulest names! Beat you, clubbed you and dared you to so much as whimper.
A WOMAN THAT BEATS AND RAPES HER SONS! MERCY! LORD MERCY! This should not be! She should have repented! She should have humbled herself instead of hiding herself. I will not help her! I will NOT fake for her, remain stoically silent because this mongrel that birthed me into the world demanded that I be her footstool. I will NOT cloak for such a low piece of human garbage. Martha Jane Walters was human garbage! That is a fact!
Look at her fruit!
She was your preacher!? Your pastor!? Your mother!? Your aunt, friend, cousin!? GOD said No!
"Get thee BEHIND ME sATAN!!!"
It appears Martha's rapes caused the community to reject her, which caused her to rage with vile hatred. The rapist awakened Martha's carnal knowledge and urges much too early. Caused her nymphomania, caused her to become the most promiscuous whore in Wade Station. She lied to protect her "reputation" while still yearning to be nothing but a common whore. Martha was conflicted, confused, double minded and she was satan's. Martha Jane Walters belonged to satan and was proud. satan gave her power, prestige. Everyone feared her. Pounding that tiny innocent puppy to death and never caring, never ashamed or remorseful, set the stage for OUR TREMENDOUSLY LONG LIFE OF GRIEF.
Evidently this is what caused her to plot revenge. Strangely, something inside me alerted me, warned me, of her deep hatred of me from birth. I always knew all her cooing, embracing, hugging, kissing , were all lies, all put on. I went along with her most phoniness , always secretly hoping for better. Knowing full well a phony put on was about the best I would ever get.
She hated that damn Doster. Right in front of us she would get very amorous, just NASTY! This would make that weak man, that was nothing but a paycheck to her, falsely believe her phony love. This would be right after she had beat him to a bloody pulp, AGAIN!
Martha was a whore. She knew how to separate a man from his money. Unfortunately Martha was a very selfish whore. All the money she made whoring, laying on her back was for her!
"Was that why you feed us "grits and grease"? Why didn't you just leave? Why didn't you just abandon us? Why did you stick around to torture us? Why did you come and snatch us from our grandfather? Other than to molest and rape, what were your intentions? Oh, I forgot, we were an allotment check. "Marry a soldier and Uncle Sam will give you a check. "
The U.S.Army used to provide well for soldiers, the best housing, free furniture, medical care, dental and the best school system ever created in America. I had earned the equivalent of a college degree by 8th grade.
Hating me does not change GOD's truth into a lie. I do find it quite shocking, how the same "men" that could never find the courage to say one word against their mother , have no problem cussing me out, calling me all kinds of lunatic crazy.
The truth is, just like Martha, you will get what you deserve. We will all get our "Just and honest due on this planet earth". You will reap what you sow. Why are you so blind? Why are your families so destroyed? Why did you forsake your children? They don't know. You never told them of the horrible life you survived.
You tried to play normal. That "stanking" whore told you exactly what she told me; "Well! fuhgit it den!"
You stupid illiterate motherfucker! Just who do you think you are!? You refuse to apologize to me for all the harm you did to me for 62 years! It was easier for you to lie, blame and continue to disparage my name! granddaddy's name!
The saddest fact is, I would still be lost if I had not studied my Bible. Granddaddy put me onto the Bible at age eight. I would have never seen or recognized you without GOD's word.
"My people perish for lack of knowledge." Thank you for putting flesh on that.
There is beauty, there is joy! I never would have made it without your evil destructive maniacal plan, your never ending sick psychotic plots. I never would have made it without GOD on my side,without the prayers of a righteous plan. I never would have been "religious" without you forcing me to attend church.
PTL!
I press on …
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