I'm glad I made it to old ...

I feel like a thief stealing bases, ducking and dodging, trying to make it "home".  My ignorant mother pretended that I knew the rules, understood them.  "It's a dawg eat dawg world out heah! You got tuh be duh big dog!"

I did not know that you were warning me to beware of you!  I did not know that gave you permission to deliberately put me in harm's way because you were angry because you didn't want me.  Because you decided that I was just a clot of blood that you could use any way you so desired.  Yes, you were so ignorant you did falsely believe that you could use Almighty GOD the exact same way you always used your "Johns".  Yes, you were a low whore Mathy Jane but you robbed your dumb self of all honor, of  any righteous distinction because you always bristled,  always rejected the truth.  You could not fix what you refused to recognize.

Why did you believe throwing  your entire family to the wolves was your salvation? "See! See! somebody wuze dan me!"  I know exactly why you could not honor or celebrate anyone else's accomplishments.  You were jealous! Childishly! Immaturely jealous!  You were more Cain spirited than Cain himself.

A lie is still a lie.  A lie cannot be made into the truth! Yes,  you did smash that tiny innocent puppy! Yes, you did enjoy it! Yes, you were a freak!  It doesn't matter how or why you became a freak.  The fact that you were indeed a freak in the "Church" hiding behind a license to preach is paramount.

You must be stopped.  You must be exposed.  You whores, you imps, you vipers "done got too 'mannish! Go sot down!"

Why couldn't I ever admit that my mother was an embarrassment?  The whore would not let me! Martha was a common stanking whore that took full advantage of the fact that we were bastard children deliberately born into her care.  Yes, some one dropped the ball.  Someone made the very wrong decision to permit Martha to ever even be around children.  So,  because  a demon is devious, a very successful actress,  that does not give her the right to be around, to purely torture and deliberately vex her "love ones" for eighty-seven years!

We deserved exactly what we got.  We claimed to love the LORD, to believe whole heartedly in (HIM), yet we let a pure demon vex, rob, torture and make our lives miserable for decades!  That is our fault.  What kept Martha in our lives?  Fear!  Yes, we were fully indoctrinated .  Yes,  we all do suffer with some form of PTSD, bipolar condition , some psychological affliction.  We should.  We earned our collective "madness".  We also deserve our collective blessings.  I know that I was good to my grandfather and he was a good man.  I know he left a blueprint for all men and women to follow.  I know that it is his fervent prayers that have sustained me.

Praise the LORD!