Jealousy, envy,… crabs in a barrel

My mother raged daily about how racists whites had prevented her from being the great, rich, woman of prominence,  she had planned to be.  She knew full well that she was lying,  she was actually very proud of her station in life.    A GS-4 in the Civil Service.  A key punch operator, that demanded to wear expensive, extravagant outfits to work daily.  Each outfit costing more than a month's salary. (Which she shed and peeled of like a snake and walked on until I hung them up.)    She drove a Cadillac, her signature car and bragged and bragged about everything Martha.

Martha would rage if she returned from work without enough compliments to satisfy her.   Raging and screaming because; "Dem jealous mutha****** know I wuz lookin' good!"

What did poor Martha want?  What did she need?

Like so many people , Martha wanted everything for herself, nothing for anyone else.  NOTHING!  She was rotten, rotting and demanded that the world rot with her.

Martha was a snatcher.  Every gift my grandfather gave us she found a way to snatch it back, to break it,   to ruin it.

My "mother" was truly a very sadistic wicked woman.    Deliberately confused us with all of her Bible reading, blasting only Gospel on Sunday.    Making us spend hours upon hours in church.   She sure fooled me.  I did believe she loved the LORD.  The only reason I found out her "root working" was wrong, was because of my grandfather.

Is that why you hated him Martha?  Did you hate him because he warned you daily that you were going to hell?

A very unfortunate fact concerning oppressed people, people that have languished at the bottom of society so long they accept their placement as permanent.    It is a fact, "crabs in a barrel".  To this day, blacks still kill more blacks "than anything in the drugstore ".    Make babies, multiply out of sheer boredom and make as many lives as they can,  a living hell.

It is spiritual.  It is still heartbreaking.  There are far too many demons hiding behind skin color as an excuse to be sadistic, savage, perverted.    Know it alls,  that know nothing.  (I'm sorry , it's a fact, you are not going to get too many to read a book. )    Frightened, gutless imps, so afraid their  "loved ones" are going to outdo them.

My "mother" made sure none of us would ever out do her associates degree in secretarial science from Fayetteville State Teachers College.  My medical doctor brother, ruined!  My brilliant musician brother, ruined!  All five ruined in some manner.

My "mother" may have fooled every single person in my entire family or perhaps just terrified them into silence with her so-called Voodoo.    Yes, she was a "root worker".    But it was her extreme diabolical cruelty that kept her out of prison, not any dirt.

Sure, her song; "You can't win fuh duh fix you in, I can't lose fuh duh stuff I use.",  may have hindered me some.  I just wanted to help her.  For some strange reason I always falsely believed that she would apologize one day and we would all laugh loudly, loving and healing one another.

No such luck.  Never trust satan.  Never trust a mother that puts her trust in everything evil,  demonic and sadistic.

There is one thing that is bothering me more than usual.  I am black.  The vast majority of people that I have known and associated with my entire life have been black.    Very, very few black people have ever done anything positive for me.  Truthfully, most of the black people that I have tried to love have gone way out of their way to crucify me.   I know they can't help it.  Lying, jealous, covetous  "crabs in a barrel".

I have five brothers that would not spit on me if I was on fire.    What wrong did I ever do to them?   Nothing, not one thing!   I did expose  their "mother".    She MURDERED  their grandfather, stalked and destroyed them, emasculated them,  just like she did me.  But, for some reason she is still a saint in their blind eyes.  "You ain't got No proof! " ; my brother screamed!  I got common sense! (You dumb ass, scared bitch ass 'ho! )

 And those Biblical illiterate brothers are hollering in unison the only Bible Martha ever taught them;  "Honor thy MOTHER!" to this very day.

The Bible does say "Honor thy mother and father that thy days might be long …"   "Dats the only scripture wid promise!"

My "mother" truly was a madame, "pimped" us all out, made us all her "bitches".

"Why don't you shut up talking about your mother!?"  "It is over, get over it!"  No sir, no ma'am , that is precisely my point.  It is not over!  These low common men and women are winning, destroying, raping and robbing at will,  demanding titles of Bishop, Reverend,etc.   Taking all the good seats, raking in all the cash they can, driving all the big cars, living in the finest houses, while we wait patiently on "Duh LAWD".    Never sincerely  caring about another living person on this earth.

There are still far too many people of "color" still  on their knees begging GOD for a blessing right now as the sling "dust".  No, I don't believe many are still engaging in old primitive slave hoodoo and conjure but they hate.  They"eyeball" your success and hate.  They scroll your page on Facebook and hate!  They pray for your demise and hate!  Don't you dare be more intelligent, have more talent in anything.  Don't you dare have fifty cents more than they do.  You are going to be immediately hated and plotted on.

Dear LORD have mercy on your children I pray.

I press on ...