Worse than the 62 years of sheer torture I experienced, worse than my PTSD, the number of people, friends, family, strangers, that have lined up against me.
All of the volunteer imps that have gladly mocked me, distanced themselves from me. Called me a whining crybaby! Swearing and just knowing they will never so much as ever have a bad day.
People so proud of the perfect lives, perfect selfies . People that have more money than they will ever need. People that have thousands of FB friends. The blessed people that got it right. Right color, right parents, right income, right partner, right car, right career , just always right, Never losing and certainly no need for some lame GOD.
Perfect people never raped and misused by their mother have no use for pitiful people like me. "Oh my GAWD! Must we listen to this shit again? I am so ****** tired of this whinny *****! Why can't you just get over it!? I fell down and skinned my knee once when I was in the third grade! You don't hear me complaining! GAWD ain't toldth you ****! You just throwing shade! Don't nobody care 'bout you! You Black! You're Blaaacccckkkkkk! Can't you get it through your thick head! It sucks to be you!"
Someone finds the courage to reveal a sick demon and you side with the demon! A person tells you that she was successfully gutted like a fish by her own mother FOR 62 YEARS and you say; "So what! Move on! You were the dummy!"
You don't know that is your Cain spirit talking, your own jealousy issues. You may never know that you are just as envious, covetous, manipulative and plotting as Martha Jane because you do not commit INCEST or pedophilia. You don't want any one else to win either. You want to be on top of every one you know. You burn with secret envy when some one you know succeeds. You do secretly pray for others to lose while praying for yourself to succeed.
You are just as empty, just as lost and just as cursed. Like her, you have no empathy or sympathy for anyone. You cannot care for another human being.
A family that hates me for telling! A cursed family that cares nothing, not one iota for it's true patriarch.
I keep telling them they are cursed with a curse. They refuse to hear, keep working furiously trying to achieve, trying to be accepted in this lying hypocritical world.
You can not do enough to please this world. Even when you lose weight, this world will remind you that you used to be fat.
You will never be good enough for this world. satan will trick you and persuade you to do certain acts against your nature in order to achieve that fame you crave.
Put your trust in GOD. If you don't believe in GOD, in a higher power, the Supreme Being that put all of this together, you are a fool.
If you can put your trust in Siri and refuse to so much as pray, you are a fool. Fodder for satan. Don't worry. It will not be long before the evil one eats you up, completely devours you.
The love, the warmth, the confidence you seek can only be found in Christ Jesus.
Don't reject a book, you've never read and have no desire to read. Do not reject GOD simply because you have never had need of Him.
You will. Just keep living. You will. No, it won't be too late. It is never too late. Keep bumping your head. Keep screaming how unfair and racist our world is when you know that all you have to do is call on that name. JESUS!
PTL!
I press on ...
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