Never in a million years ..

did I dream I could be so happy.  Some one that was reviled, rebuked, scorned, rejected and secretly abused by my own mother for 62 years.   An old ugly sea hag troll,  masquerading as a good mother, daughter , friend and pastor.

GOD said No!

I was seventeen when I wrote a brilliant term paper on the Ugly American.  In it I described the Cancer eating the very fabric of America.  My ignorant, whorish, corrupt, demon plagued mother could not see beyond her selfish, self centered sadistic eyes.  She destroyed it.

I look back laughing at this pestilence, following behind me from birth secretly hating me.  Bragging about her extreme cruelty, passing it off as courage.

The fact is Martha Jane Walters never grew beyond the broken raped little girl that deliberately smashed a puppy between two bricks.

Unfortunately Martha did die declaring that she had won.  Inwardly she knew that she lost and she knew full well what a horror she was.  Martha knew what she had become and why.  She also told me that I would be the one to betray her.  "Betray" as in Judas betraying Christ.

Martha was the betrayer.  She betrayed eleven children tragically.  The six that survived or avoided her coat hanger abortions and the five that missed out on her misery, miserable demonic sexually perverted parenting.

She betrayed all of us, deliberately plotting to make sure we would all have to depend on her financially for out entire lives,  just so she could mock us; "Heah you come wid yo'broke ass…always beggin' always nedin' ."

She betrayed GOD,  up preaching stolen sermons.  I will not speak on my brothers' sexual molestations or savage beatings.  They have to come to their own truth.  As for me, I can't wait to stand on Mt. Everest screaming my truth to the entire world.

No,  world I am no longer broken.  I am healing quite well,  one cell at at a time.

I am praying for all of the survivors of such beings to come out of the closet.  "Know your truth".
What good does it do you to live to be 80, 90, 100, suffering, swallowing your truth because you can not bear to even think about what you went through at the hands of your "care giver".

GOD said No!

I suggest you start with anger.  Martha cursed me out, ridiculed and laughed at me when I merely quizzed her about my rape.  I grew angry.  The  madder I got,  the more I talked.  The more I talked, the more I remembered.  Long buried secret sexual sadistic acts came back to me, flooded my mind.  The more I told, the more I was rejected.  The more I was rejected, the more I prayed.  I prayed enough to get baptized.  I prayed enough to research such "mothers".

I found ASCA , Adult Survivors of Child Abuse,  first.  They helped me tremendously.  I found out that I was not alone.  I discovered these predators come in all colors, genders,  educational levels and financial back grounds.

I found DONM , Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers.  Another great help.  I do believe People of the Lie  by Dr. M.Scott Peck,  the best source of my healing.  It put me on the road to recovery.

What idiots we all are permitting satan to destroy our very lives claiming  to be a loving mother, an ordained minister.  THAT IS THE RAVENOUS WOLF  Jesus is warning us to shun!  He told us to come "ye out from among them!"   We can't help them, don't entertain them and for GOD's sake DO NOT ignore them!  Daring me to tell, to breathe one word,  of my horrendous past because it embarrassed her, irritated her, made her look like the low slut she was!

Martha was a dumb,  uneducated,  idiot,  that preferred depositing her dung on your door,  rather than  owning the slightest mistake she ever made because she was "yalla and had good hair."

You have been found out volunteer ignorant imp for satan.  This dummy died poor!  Eighty seven years old still carrying a mortgage on a house falling apart!  This dummy could have made millions fleecing the public but selfishly and cowardly preferred to target her eleven children.

Rot!

PTL!

I press on   ...