"I will send you another comforter"

Some one asked me recently; "Do you still cry every day?"  As a matter of fact I do.  What can you do if your heart is broken? "Jesus wept."  Why? Because we broke his heart.

I am not ashamed of my tears.  My tears mean that I care, I love. My tears mean that I am a child of GOD.  I should say, I am not ashamed of my tears anymore.  I was taught by that succubus that my tears were a sign of weakness.  My tears justified her repulsion of me.  I learned as a child that my tears upset my "mother" and made her treat me worse.  I understand now that she didn't want to be reminded of her cruelty and perversion.

Yes, I still cry and will probably continue to cry until the day I die.  My tears don't mean that I am some weak sorry imp as the world would have you to believe.  I am healed.  (By His stripes we are healed.)

I can cry now because "the cat is out of the bag".  The demon is exposed and I can finally move on.  She held me in captivity too long.  She took too much.  (She can't help it.  She is a selfish greedy ****.)  My blogging is for my healing and for the millions that have suffered in silence for far too long.

Do not be so quick to condemn or scorn my tears.  Life is tragic.  Some form of tragedy will visit every door one day.  It's life.  It is inevitable .  How you handle that tragedy (when it comes) will define you.  No, my "Mathy Jane" is not the only such creature.  I firmly believe there are far too many such creatures through out the world.

I am struck by something she told me a few years ago as she recounted that awful series of brutal rapes.  "When I found the courage and finally told my mother, dat n**** was hiding outside under the kitchen window listening.  When I told me mother, he came running in the house hollering; 'She Lying! She lying!...my daddy didn't do nuttin' but run duh n***off.  Dey  said my momma was lying 'cause she wuz trying to go wid duh n****.....He didn't come to no good end.....some n**** blew his leg off wid a shotgun...caught him peeping in his window ...duh n***** wuz a peeping tom."

It was a very sad story.  I felt very sorry for her.  I guess she was eighty-two.   She still hurt.  She didn't cry though.  Maybe that's why she has suffered so, trying to be hard, to be stoic.  Did the world teach her that she couldn't cry?   Did the world teach her to dry those tears?

It's alright to cry.  Men are not allowed to cry.  Men are forced to be "manly" and stoic.  Strong! Hard! Untouched!  My grandfather told me that he never cried a single tear until his son died.  When his son bleed to death in his arms he said that opened the floodgate.

I witnessed my grandfather cry often.  He never boo-hooed or anything.  He would be sitting some where alone, reading his Bible or listening to a ball game and I would see his silent tears streaming down his face.  His handsome chiseled face.  He sat there stoic, looking like Sitting Bull or Cochise.

I think he was crying about his extremely wayward rebellious daughter that refused to listen, refused to honor GOD.   He cried because he knew that his daughter had turned fool.  Messing with "voodoo" and conjure, was a pathological liar that refused to be dragged to the truth.

In this life you are going to cry sometime.  Human being will hurt you and break you heart.   Don't you worry.  GOD will send you another comforter.  "There is a balm in Gilead to heal the sin sick heart."

Stay in His WORD children.  Remember; "Apart from Christ you are nothing."

May GOD's Grace, Mercy, and Truth, engulf you, cloak you and keep you in Perfect Peace,
Rachel Gwendolyn Doster (the exceedingly proud granddaughter of a great Patriarch, JEROME WALTERS)