and I love to pray." I found myself singing that old Mahalia Jackson song this morning. GOD will truly visit you in your dreams. He will reveal things to you that were held in secrecy for years. I fully understand now.
My mother was forced into shame. Raped severely multiple times at age eight. No doubt blamed, ridiculed, scorned and labeled by the people in her little village as a little girl. What could she do? It looks like she turned to hatred and cruelty in order to cope. She certainly made sure no man would ever harm her again. That's what people did back then. (Back then, they still do.) They blamed the victim. No doubt they called her "fast tail", "'omanish", "hot". She was very pretty, very white, a head full of long luscious red hair.
I can clearly see where some wrong thinking perverted man thought he had the right to "take" her. He took her but he destroyed her. She lost her "mind" along with her dignity, her purpose. A brilliant, violent, cruel woman, who could ever contain her, subdue or even manage her?
I am her best hope. Only because I am female and I am her daughter. Looking back I always thought I was the worse treated. Perhaps I was the best treated. I don't carry as many scars from the brutal beatings. She would declare that she was going to beat us. I would get the Holy Ghost and my brother would put on three pair of pants. My Holy Ghost dance got me a reprieve. My brother would be forced to strip naked.
It is not as sad a story as people would have you to believe. GOD put the word "Dissociative disorder" in my ear last night, He kept repeating it. This morning I googled it and discovered "DissociatIve Identity Disorder" - an effect of a severe trauma during early childhood. A severe form of dissociation, produces a lack of connection in a person's thoughts, memories, feelings, actions or sense of identity. As a coping mechanism the person literally dissociates himself from a situation or experience that's too violent, traumatic, or painful to assimilate with his conscious self. Characterized by the presence of two or more distinct or split identities or personality states that continually have power over the person's behavior. The "alters" or different identities have their own age, sex and race. Each has his own postures, gestures, and distinct way of talking, "switching". People suffering from this disorder suffer with identity confusion. (That explains why she would sometimes think that she was me or think that she was her cousin.)
I learned that these sufferers have a "host" personality that is completely unaware of the other personalities.
Dear LORD, thank you for your divine revelation. Thank you for your Truth. PRAISE THE LORD!!! Thank you Jesus! HALLELUJAH!!!
Stay in His WORD children. "Know ye the Truth and the Truth will set you Free!" Remember; "Apart from Christ you are nothing."
May GOD's Grace, Mercy and Truth, engulf you, cloak and keep you in Perfect Peace,
Rachel Gwendolyn Doster (the exceedingly proud granddaughter of a great Patriarch, JEROME WALTERS)
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I think finding the truth, the cause helps you to better accept and understand the effects of that cause. I think while deeply wounded by your mother's behavior, you probably feel more love and compassion for her as a victim herself who handled victimization in the only way her childlike mind and psyche could at the time. And who was powerful or wise enough to identify her plight and intervene. I prophesy that you have been called to do so at this late stage in her life. Godspeed, be very strong and courageous and know that you have prayer warriors in the background callin on mighty angelic beings, for they will surely be needed for this struggle.
ReplyDeleteAmen! GOD is truly revealing Himself, His Divine Order! I look at Moses and Abraham. I look a Sarah. "Age ain't nothing but a number to GOD." There are some tasks that require our seasoning, our purging before we can know GOD's marvelous truth. My source revealed a number as high as 15% with this disorder. It all stems from lying, refusing to know GOD's Truth. Thank you for your prayers.
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