PTL! Rage! I've never known her to be without it. Sometimes it was quiet. There were many times it roared. That was always her claim to fame with us. "I'm big and I'm bad, and I will get you!" GOD has certainly opened my understanding to reveal the greatest cowardly demon that the world has ever known. What monster can't take advantage of her own little children, of the elderly and infirm? When has she ever targeted her equal?
She is on a marathon run from the truth. Still a little eight year old girl playing dress up. All be it a very perverted nasty little girl, a little girl emotionally, just the same. What a fool, demanding that we hid her, keep her secrets in exchange for some phony flattery, a token gift of some old crap that she was going to discard anyway. Pretending to have favorites from among her many minions. Knowing full well she hates us all with a passion. She hates GOD! She hates herself. She blasted that bullet through my grandfather's heart the same way she blasts the truth if it gets anywhere near her. The same way she blasts the admonisher, the truth-teller, that "tattle-tell", that snitch, that narc.
All her minions agree that this is not the best time to confront her with the truth. When is the best time Martha? When and how can you be approached? When are you not up to "no good"? When do you take a break from hurting, plotting, lying, and destroying? When do you take a break from leading astray, into captivity? When will the truth be convenient for you?
When will you finally admit that you fell so low that you impulsively grabbed that old rusty .38 revolver and blew your father's heart out? Was it impulsive or was it planned? The fact that you murdered your own father on the anniversary of his son's murder is uncanny. Jerome Walters, Jr. was murdered February 10, 1939 with a .38 caliber pistol. Jerome Walters, Sr. was murdered February 10, 1979 with a .38 calibur pistol. Could it be a coincidence?
Shoving his Bible in my face, showing me where he had outlined his sermon was no comfort to me. It was a perfectly drawn straight red line. (Granddaddy could not draw a straight line to save his life. He had an unsteady hand. He told me that it was from wringing the necks of chickens. I was his personal secretary. I wrote all of his letters for him.) "I got my letter..." Why would a man that had committed self murder be interested in the Bible, in his salvation?
Why did we take it? Conditioned! Why did I keep my mouth shut? Conditioned! Conditioned by mortal fear for my life, shame and humiliation. I had been conditioned and indoctrinated by you for twenty-seven years. "Don't you f****** think back n****!" What ever you do, don't you ever talk back or defy "Mathy Jane". She'll strip you naked, tie you up with silk stockings. She will put a gag in your mouth. She will cut the cord off of a brand new vacuum cleaner. She will beat you into a bloody pulp. She will lacerate your privates! She will make all of your siblings stand there and watch screaming hysterically.
Oh yes children, Mathy Jane will put something on your mind. Then she will turn around and convince you that it was your fault. "You duh cause of it!" She will con you into believing that she was just trying to be a good mother. Later, she will sneak into your room, take you to her bed and make you her sex toy, just another object to abuse with one of her many lovers. "You bedder not tell it!"
Don't worry you will be back in church on Sunday and the Dear LORD will wash all of your sins away.
Stay in His WORD children. "Study to show yourself approved." Remember; "Apart from Christ you are nothing."
May GOD's Grace, Mercy and Truth, engulf you, cloak you and keep you in Perfect Peace,
Rachel Gwendolyn Doster (the exceedingly proud granddaughter of a great Patriarch, JEROME WALTERS)
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She may have convinced you that no one in the world has the right to know her "bizness", that she is perfect and untouchable, that "dark skinned-ED" people are just jealous of her b/c she is "yalla and has good hair". You may continue to believe that she is indeed a preacher, that GOD knows her heart and that her critics are living in the past and only want revenge. You may continue to live wallowing in your shame while she laughs and continues her closeted very secretive abuse. You can take your burden to the LORD or you can con't to try to mend yourself. That's a good idea. Put your broken, fractured, defeated self back together. Make her your best friend, your confident. Con't to live in that pretend world with her. Wait for her to die. How long can it be? 15 or 20 years? Give up on joy and happiness. You don't deserve it any way. You ain't s*** just like she told you over and over. Agree with her, there is no heaven, no god. When you die you are done. If you really love her you should be glad to be her stepping stone, her footstool, her dog. Be her little puppy and let her pound you between two bricks.:(
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